There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
