i was born a porn star she said
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
