What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
