We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
