I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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