Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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