Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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