dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
