We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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