i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Randomize
