Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
