I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
