Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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