Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
