I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
