I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
