Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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