i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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