Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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