yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
