We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
