Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
