I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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