so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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