Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
