maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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