I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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