let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
