i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
