I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Houston, we have a squirter
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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