I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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