biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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