Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
