Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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