he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
