Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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