i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
