my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
