The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
