i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
