His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
