i think i have two assholes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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