Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
