I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
