i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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