You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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