Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
