My room smells like vodka and shame
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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