my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
