im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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