exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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